Nobody is safe from failing and from being afraid of it. It casts a shadow on our hopes and dreams. It’s a crippling feeling that drags us to the bottom of an endless ocean of what ifs. When we fail at something, the feeling of shame, disappointment and regret comes rushing in and sadly Hodor, can’t hold the door for us.

I. Our Early Development Years

From the moment we were born to the first step we took, the constant cries of “no’s and don’ts” from our parents, although admittedly with good intent, has shielded us from experiencing mistakes ( of course mistakes that are non life threatening ) that could have taught us how past mistakes would help us later to make better decisions in our lives.

Disclaimer: Saying “no and don’t” is by no means a bad practice, rather it is encouraged to use this in a proper context where parents set boundaries to their child. Saying “Yes” too much affects children as much as saying too much “No”.

These formative years are integral part of our life in understanding that not reaching our end goal, does not mean we won’t ever be able to reach it, that falling off a bicycle does not mean that you won’t be able to ride it, that failing to win a game does not mean you’re bad at it. Every setback carries with it a new perspective - of which angle is better at reaching your goal, how to balance better the next time you pedal, or that you’re not good at the game now but maybe with more practice, you’ll eventually win some.

It teaches us how to persevere and gently embrace failing; To gracefully fail.

II. Impact of Failing to our Students

In another context: Students often get discouraged to participate in class because of being afraid to fail and not because they’re a failure. In our classrooms, being smart or being the smartest is heavily associated with being successful, and to those students who are not as smart; they label themselves as failures, if not by others.

This greatly affects how they perceive themselves, resulting in more discouragement from both internal and external influences. A vicious cycle that will always continue to linger as long as we continue to believe that the path to failure is always led by failing, and the path to success is a road where failing does not exist.

As a matter of fact, a study conducted by Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, found out, after studying scientists who went to apply for grants, that those who were not able to receive the grant early in their careers were able to publish 6.1% more than those who got accepted. This shows that even if we fail at one point in our life, with a little bit of perseverance we will eventually outgrow it and [can still] achieve great things in life.

III. A Perspective on Failing

Failing and being a failure are two completely different things. Failing is when you try and not succeed, but being a failure is when you stop trying.

The belief system of failing that we have, which is built upon the experiences we’ve collected throughout our life, somehow ended up treating it as an absolute truth that cannot be refuted or changed. The way we frame the idea of what success is, to say the least, is suffocating. It leaves only a sliver of opportunity for us to embrace failing. It is as if the world is just black and white, 1’s and 0’s, success or failure.

Yet, in between these two points are a plethora of crossroads. And although all roads lead us back to either one or the other, what matters most are the things that we learned, the friendships we formed and the actions we take.

We only truly become failures if we fail to try, to change, and to realize that failing gives meaning and beauty to success.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway!” - Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway